Post by Ian Wright on Apr 18, 2015 12:29:57 GMT -5
"RIGHTEOUS" IAN WRIGHT
My fellow Americans-- in addition to those of you who have managed to slip over the border-- I have come this evening to address an ever going problem in our community. And that problem...is Shawn Cage.
IAN WRIGHT
Shawn Cage is the reason your daughter is pregnant, and the reason your son spends way too much time in the bathroom. Shawn Cage is reason why the divorce rate is through the roof, the reason why the amount of STD's has doubled in this country over the last ten years, and consequently the reason why the unemployment rates have skyrocketed. Everything that is wrong in your life is due to Shawn Cage.
People have come up to me and asked, Ian, "why did you attack Shawn Cage with a bar of soap? What that really necessary? H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, that was necessary! Proverbs, chapter thirteen, verse twenty four says, "Spare the rod and you spoil the child." Too many Americans today are too afraid to instill some discipline in their children. I'll tell you this much, if walked around with the potty mouth that Shawn Cage had when I was growing up, my daddy would've put a whoppin' on me-- and today, as I stand before you, I'm all the better for it. Thank you daddy!
What am I looking to get out of this match? What is it that I am looking to accomplish? Well think of me as the Wrestletown penal system. My goal is to beat some sense into that foul-mouthed sex ninja so that he can become a more productive member of society. And if that fails...If Shawn Cage insists on playing the role of Cool Hand Luke, and what we wind up with is a failure to communicate between the captain and a man who just cannot be taught...well, then it is for the best of everyone that I simply take Shawn Cage out of rotation...Which, if that's the way he wants it, that's the way he's gonna get it.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - EVENING
Our camera is fixed on a podium. On the center of the podium is the American Flag. Standing at the podium is the champion of American values-- "Righteous" Ian Wright.
IAN WRIGHTMy fellow Americans-- in addition to those of you who have managed to slip over the border-- I have come this evening to address an ever going problem in our community. And that problem...is Shawn Cage.
Ian pauses for a moment to take a sip of his ice water at his side.
IAN WRIGHT
Shawn Cage is the reason your daughter is pregnant, and the reason your son spends way too much time in the bathroom. Shawn Cage is reason why the divorce rate is through the roof, the reason why the amount of STD's has doubled in this country over the last ten years, and consequently the reason why the unemployment rates have skyrocketed. Everything that is wrong in your life is due to Shawn Cage.
On the large screen behind the podium, clips from Episode 2 of Wrestletown plan-- scenes depicting Ian Wright's attach of Shawn Cage.
IAN WRIGHTPeople have come up to me and asked, Ian, "why did you attack Shawn Cage with a bar of soap? What that really necessary? H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, that was necessary! Proverbs, chapter thirteen, verse twenty four says, "Spare the rod and you spoil the child." Too many Americans today are too afraid to instill some discipline in their children. I'll tell you this much, if walked around with the potty mouth that Shawn Cage had when I was growing up, my daddy would've put a whoppin' on me-- and today, as I stand before you, I'm all the better for it. Thank you daddy!
Ian takes a moment to wipe a tear from his eye, as he reminisces on his daddy. After a moment, he comes out of his zone, and returns to his message.
IAN WRIGHTWhat am I looking to get out of this match? What is it that I am looking to accomplish? Well think of me as the Wrestletown penal system. My goal is to beat some sense into that foul-mouthed sex ninja so that he can become a more productive member of society. And if that fails...If Shawn Cage insists on playing the role of Cool Hand Luke, and what we wind up with is a failure to communicate between the captain and a man who just cannot be taught...well, then it is for the best of everyone that I simply take Shawn Cage out of rotation...Which, if that's the way he wants it, that's the way he's gonna get it.
